Hello Nakedness

I took the plunge and went Naked this morning. To Eliot Spitzer and any of his 'friends' this would mean one thing, but to the outrageous and unpredictable, Wired Lady, this means...I tried the Naked protein drink for (gasp!) an actual meal. Call me wild but I wanted to see how full I'd actually be - to prep for...you know what's coming. Move over 'tastings'...it's time for the big guns...

Anyway, this particular drink was suggested by a fan. Um...who am I kidding?! It was suggested by a friend.

But either way...it was a pretty good choice! Not only was I full till lunch (with a little cheese snack and a couple mints in between), but the taste...not so bad. Now, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't choose this over breakfast (love me some eggs) but if you too ever have the opportunity to have your jaw 'made-over' - not a bad choice. Kind of chalky, I gotta say...but I did pick up on the pineapple and banana flavors. I wouldn't say my experience was that of a tropical vacation but perhaps a leisurely three-day weekend?

Dental issues aside, I just don't get why you'd normally spend so much on juice with all the extra carbs and calories. I mean, maybe it's me but I'd much rather have a bag of pretzels and a glass of wine...right? Call me Miss Healthy.

Girl In The Plastic Bubble

Move over Ebert & Ropert. How can anyone compete when you get reviews like this....

"Reading your blog makes me think I'm visiting a nursing home."

Lovely. Thank you to my sister for her never-ending moral support and encouragement. But...as much as I'd like to disagree with her, I find my life mirroring that of an 80-year-old more and more each day. If only you could see the vitamins I'm pumpin' in the morning. I had to start allocating more time between breakfast and make-up application for this new morning ritual.

But I have to! I am petrified of getting sick! A co-worker who sits waaaaay too close to me (and you know who you are!) came to work with the flu today!!!! And yes, the words "Get away from me and go home!!!" were spoken. I also told Sick Co-Worker to remember me before making the decision to return to work tomorrow. Ha. But really -- not kidding so much.

Can I please live in a bubble with John Travolta for the next week and a half!?

Explaining the Bizarre

Below is an actual email sent in the life of Wired Lady:

Hi Sarah,

Ok. This is going to sound random but...this coming weekend is the last weekend before I’m having jaw surgery and as much as I want to go and help you at the kindergarten class production shoot, I don’t think it would be the best choice for me. If I happen to get sick before this damn thing...thanks to germy kids...I am totally screwed. Also, my mom's coming in town the following weekend..and I have a ton of crap to do...wash my car...clean the shower...ya di da di da.....

Any other time in my life, I WOULD SO BE THERE.

Seriously, thank you for the invite and I’m sorry I am super paranoid and cannot help you at this time.

It’s just the last weekend I will be able to chew solid food.

-Wired Lady

The Tasting of Carnation Instant Breakfast

I know after the Ensure tasting I said Slim Fast would be next but...I just couldn't do it. One sniff of that mistake-of-a-purchase -- whoops, I mean Low Carb Vanilla Slim Fast and I was reminded of the morning after the last (and final) Tequila Fun Night.

So, the flight for this sophisticated tasting...Carnation Instant Breakfast Variety Pack.



At first appearance all flavors were vibrant, cheerful and quite frankly, 'popped' more so than the Ensure.

To begin, this Wired Lady sommelier attacked the chocolate line-up of Classic Chocolate Malt, Rich Milk Chocolate and Dark Chocolate.



Rockin' this 'sophisticated' palate, I am proud to say in each 'bouquet,' I picked up on a taste of...um...chocolaty goodness. Not a whole lot of difference between the dark, malt and classic blend but I can say, it's not a bad thing.



All were enjoyable 'in mouth' and all were enjoyable 'in finish.' If I had to pick one, I would say the malt was my favorite - not because I gravitate toward this type of beer (really, not at all) but because I do enjoy a greasy diner and milkshake that comes with a spoon.

Next up - Classic French Vanilla and Strawberry Sensation. With my past experience, I was most afraid of the vanilla, especially the first "sniffy sniff."



Initial in glass 'fragrance' - not bad at all! Actually, pretty nice. Then to taste -- also highly enjoyable. Reminds me of McDonalds' vanilla cone. As I am only 12 days away from surgery, happy to find a vanilla that works!

Strawberry - also enjoyable, however, (shocking, I know) I gotta go with the vanilla over the strawberry in this pairing.

The final verdict for this complete nutritional drink, Carnation Instant Breakfast Variety Pack - great taste at a great price! And yes, I am playing favorites because I found a coupon in last week's circular. Hot, I know. Nice job, Nestle.

You Cough. I Run.

I didn't mention this in the last post but between the first time I 'gave' blood and the second time, my temperature when up. Jim, the blood dude, asked "Do you feel a cold coming on?" Noooooo!!!

Soooo, of COURSE, I have been freaking out hypochondriac style all weekend about getting sick. After all this, I just know it would so be my luck to get sick and not only have to postpone surgery but...even worse...the blood it took me so long to donate would be null and void! I am determined not to go back to that hospital till they are ready to drill. Bring it. And I promise, this is the last time I ever bring up my blood again - so unappreciated, I know.

So, really, I only have one mission at this point and that's to stay healthy. I am realizing how hard this is and how freakin' expensive it is at Whole Foods!!!

The WL Defense Team. I gotta say, at $3.88 a bottle, Naked "Well Being" better be amazingly well for my being.

Now that I am actually trying to 'not get sick,' I swear, everyone I come in contact with is either feeling sick, getting over being sick or just sick!

Something even harder to accomplish, when approached by one of the following 'sick' categories of people...how to not come off as a bitch in his or her presence. No offense but....I don't mean to run in the opposite direction before you finish your sentence but I don't want anywhere near your air supply.

Hot Veins

So, because the first lady who took my blood screwed up, I had to return to the hospital yesterday morning for round two.

This time, I had a Bill Nye The Science Guy look-a-like named Jim. I learned from Jim that because Judy (who normally runs the blood shop) is on vacation, he was filling in. This explained so much. Why is it not surprising at all that Wired Lady totally got the second stringers?

While I was a bit of a skeptic, Jim got the job done. Praise Jesus! And...not only did I get a fantastic....orange juice box...



...but a pack of Oreos as well! The funny this was, Jim actually opened the pack of Oreos for me. Weird, right? When I saw him doing this, at first I thought, what the hell is he doing? Does he want one of my Oreos? He could probably just reach up and grab a pack of his own. But then I realized Jim thought giving blood caused the bubonic plague. You should have seen the look on Jim's face when I jumped out of the chair only seconds after he pulled the plug. "It's been real, Jim, but I gotta get to work and save my job."

I know what it's like to feel a little queasy...it's called a bottle of Barefoot on a Tuesday night.

I have to say though, the highlight of the morning was Jim telling me, "You have really nice veins." You know something is off-kilter in your life when a man in a lab coat complementing your veins turns you on.

A Real Supermodel

Luckily I was not struck by lightning today but tomorrow is the day I go back to give blood and as you well know, that's a complete crap shoot. Will I donate blood? Will I not? Will I get an apple juice box or a cranberry juice box? I was told to drink lots of water beforehand to "help me out" (as if it was my fault last time) and that the new guy taking my blood is "really good." Whatever this means...I have no idea. Super thrilling...I know.

Speaking of thrilling...a taste of last week's visit with the os...

Yes, I am rocking one earring -- unbeknownst to me.
I am the coolest.