The Universal Sign of OKAY

Yesterday I was desperate to get out of this apartment. Also, I was (I can't believe I am actually saying this) desperate to get some exercise. This, coming from the girl who's notorious for coming up with every excuse not to go to the gym.

So, my big adventure yesterday took me for a walk, a couple blocks away, to my little slice of heaven...aka...DSW Shoe Warehouse.

Now, I love DSW for a number of reasons but especially because there are never any annoying salespeople bugging you. It's a total self-serve establishment. So, with my talking-handicap, I knew this would be a safe stop. Oh. How. I. Was. Wrong. I learned an important lesson from my first daytime escapade -- sales people in the afternoon are bored out of their minds and are dying to help you! Of course, everyone and their mother at DSW was eager to help! Dammit. The one time I actually get customer service, I can't even enjoy it! So, what did I do? That's right, the thumbs up!

"Good afternoon, how can I help you?" = thumbs ups
"Do you need a size in that?" = thumbs ups
"Would you like the discount card?" = thumbs up

At first I thought it was fun being mysterious. Like...maybe they thought I was from some exotic foreign country and couldn't speak the challenging language of...English. But then I thought, they probably just think I'm a retard? (excuse my complete un-P.C.-ness)

Sure enough, I got out of there as quickly as possible with not a shoe in hand. And I even had a coupon!

Thinking I was safe, stepping into my apartment building's lobby, I run into the building handyman with a carpet cleaning machine. For almost two years this man has never said anything more to me than, "Hola!" Of COURSE today he actually said, "How is the carpet on your floor?" What?! How is the carpet? I have no idea. I have never thought twice about the carpet in the hallway on my level. Running into the elevator I did what I only knew I could...I gave the good ol' thumbs up! And...try to throw is a smile, although I'm sure it looked completely creepy. He responded with a look of utter confusion. Great. Any by the way, looking now at the filthy carpet in the hallway, I'm sure it will never be cleaned.

Spooning

For some reason, I keep running out of clean spoons. Is it too much to ask for a clean spoon every time I reach for some pudding? Or how about a dose of some more medicine? Yummy yogurt? Morning oatmeal? That's right...spoons, spoons, spoons!!!!

A Target run for more spoon silverware may be in my near future - like, tonight.

Don't take your spoons for granted. I used to. Not any more.

Home Entertainment

People keep asking what I've been doing to stay busy at home. No, I have not taken up knitting or miraculously discovered some amazing, secret talent for home organization.

What I do know is, today I spent $35 at Blockbuster.

I'm starting to realize, it's not so hard to stay busy throughout the day.

The Wired Menu

The doctors rule of "no swallowing or biting" has (no surprise here) definitely put a damper on my usual meal schedule. This morning, however, I totally kicked some jaw healing-food consuming ass. That's right...I ate an egg white! Woo hoo. Go me. Go me. Welp, wait...hold up...I didn't exactly eat and egg white...I really just swallowed one. But nonetheless...I filled me up...and I have learned, that is really the goal with every single meal at this point in the game.

So, you may be wondering...what's on the menu these days?
Below are a few of the food & drinks I have conquered!!!!:

• Chicken broth (thrilling, I know)
• Tomato soup (never knew I was a fan...till now)
• Tom Yum Thai Soup with Ramen (chopped in tiny tiny pieces) from Buddha's Belly
• Tortilla soup from El Compadre
• Albongidas soup from El Compadre (heaven on earth!)
• Country Crock Pre-Made Mashed potatoes
• Oatmeal
• Yogurt (I am currently a connoisseur of yogurt)
• Mushroom & chicken soup broth (looks gross but fills you up)
• Carnation Instant Breakfast (I am still 100% standing behind my review - taste good & filling!)
• Naked Juices (Love the Berry Berry & Protein - if Whole Foods ever has it again)
• Diet Sprite (you know I'm still not feeling well because I haven't had a Diet Coke in two weeks)
• Water (false belief that water will deflate my face)
  
• Hot Chocolate (feels so good on the throat)
• Jello Pudding (I am also a Jello connoisseur - banana being the favorite)
• Strawberry Homemade Milkshake!!!! (you know, I just had to use the strawberrys before the went bad)
• Shamrock Shake from McDonald's (damn you the month of April)
• Pinkberry Plain Frozen Yogurt - no toppings (not so fun to eat - hard to control temperature - always too cold)
• Egg whites! (hellz yeah)

Today for lunch I will be trying turkey chili. I know, hold the phones, riiiiiiight? Super exciting. Story of my life.

Hello Excitement

Last night Rose brought me the game of Boggle. Today, there was a Boggle Bash.

Words ironically found in my Boggle mix-ups during the day: ate, eat, pain, hurt, swell, yell, and face

Words ironically not found in my Boggle mix-ups during the day: voice, speech, margarita, wine and nachos

Welcome! Please Tell Me A Story.

Last night I had my first visitor. Hooray! Entertainment!

A few frequently stated questions/comments spoken during the evening's company:

• "What?"
• "Say that again."
• "Please repeat."
• "You look like a geisha girl with your hand over your mouth."
• "Is that a New Orleans accent?
• "Huh?"
• "Shannon Elizabeth is president of the MacGyver fan club???"
• "Want a gold fish? Oh. Whoops"
• "When can you drink again?"
• [blank stares]
  

My face seriously hurts from laughing so hard. Was it painful for anyone else when you laughed? I brush my teeth with a Dora the Explorer toothbrush, I look like a corpse when I sleep, and I sound like Kermit the Frog when I speak. How the hell can I not laugh at all this?!

Wired Lady Book Club

I would like to thank my mother for recommending a novel where the principal characters are starving...all...the...time. Literally, the first two hundred pages consisted of Tom the Builder's family ravenously searching the forest for food. A piece of bread to these people is considered gold. And guess what?! I can't even eat bread!!!

The mind is enjoying the read, however, not so much the belly.