"Wired Lady" Fills in for "Nerd with Words"

For all your movie needs, check out Nerd with Words.

Oprah Cleanse or Jaw Surgery?

Perhaps you've heard about Oprah's 21-day 'cleanse.' This cleanse bans sugar, caffeine, alcohol, gluten and animal products.

First, what else is left to eat in my life?

Second, perhaps she is secretly having jaw surgery? This is the only way one can actually accomplish.

Wires Go Green

Tonight Steve & I were lucky enough to attend the launch party/concert for Discovery Networks' new cable channel, Green Planet (thank you Meagan Davis). Yeah, that's right...we watched Ludacris battle it out with Tommy Lee. It was major.

I really didn't know what to expect tonight. Certainly didn't expect VIP parking, access to the VIP pre-party, and most exciting...a free t-shirt. Woa. Watch out.

Perhaps it wasn't the smartest move to pop in the good ol' rubber bands before making my move into the pre-party. As much as I like to pretend I've perfected the 'I so belong here even though I don't' stance...the bands...not much help.

Not a good decision. Please choose your band time more appropriately.

Bodysnarking: Been There. Done That.

A 'hot' new term out there in the internet world is 'bodysnarking.' According to BuzzFeed it's, "When somebody posts an unflattering picture of someone on their blog or Facebook page, then invites others to comment about how terrible the subject’s dimpled thighs look."

For the record, I would just like to point out Wired Lady has been doing this since day 1.

For real proof see HERE
or HERE
or HERE...

Love a Long Weekend

Who doesn't, riiight?

I spent the majority of the weekend at Hermosa Beach, eating my way from meal to meal. From nachos and margaritas to kettle corn and Ben & Jerry's...gosh, this surgery...it's like it never happened. How weird it that? For those of your questioning whether or not to do it -- go for it! The drugs were good. The time off was needed, and the outcome = holiday food happiness!

As my aunt pointed out a few weeks ago, "All you talk about in your blog is food and drinking." Whoops.

I'm Alive!

I am proud to report, I survived the dentist's chair this morning!

The kid-sized toothbrush used post-surgery wasn't the end of me after all. No cavaites. Not too much pain. And...dental freebies! Happy Friday to all!

Gettin' Detailed

This morning (no surprise here) I was at the orthodontist's office. Yet again she said how 'great' I look...and then continued to put more metal in my mouth.

BUT!....I heard the KEY words.....

Next Time...we "DETAIL"

Helllllls yeah....I immediately asked the assistant, "Is that what I think it means?!!!?"

She said, yes....it's time for the fine tweaking (ie...all the seriously moving has been done). So, after hearing this, the obvious next question is..."When do they come off?!" Of course, they make no promises -- not wanting to make it sound like they're coming off anytime soon (ugh). And quite frankly, I have a feeling this is when the perfectionist in the Doc comes out -- which means...more time.

But...for now...I'm happy. And when I return in June -- we're DETAILin'!!!

I'm dreaming of a white (braces-free) Christmas... :)

One-Banded Freak

No joke...I interviewed an intern today with one rubberband in my mouth. It was pretty hilarious. I started the interview with two -- but as soon as I got two words out...one band - gone! Was I nonchalant about removing the left-over rubber band? Nope. I totally couldn't find a opportune moment...so, I left it in.

What do real professionals act like?

Heavy Equipment

The equipment needed for my dental cleaning on Friday morning.

Braced-Face Beauty (Goddess?)

Let's be honest, when you're rockin' braces in the (upper) 20s, sometimes you're not always feeling so...hot. Well, today was definitely one of those days.

But...lucky for me...my new desk location at work puts me smack dab next to...the future Bobbi Brown cosmetic genius!!! Meet Ifeanyi of Goddess C.A.T!

As a wired lady, I might be an easy 'sell' (just lie to me and tell me that mascara is deflecting the braces) but really, this is good stuff. I'm convinced.

Go. Get Goddess Cat. Now

Creepers Out Last Night

Last night we had a little girls' night out.

WARNING: when out on the town with braces beware of creepy, braces-loving men.

As I have been in recovery mode - locked down in my apartment - I forgot that one of these types always seems to surface.

"Not many girls can pull off braces...but you can..."

Ew. BEYOND gross.

When out with braces, always keep a friend VERY close by.

Keep Our Beaches Clean!

I spent the morning helping to clean up LA's Venice Beach -- don't ask. Highly random...I know.

Among the tons of crap I picked up this morning...I gotta say, I was most offended by an empty toothpaste tube. I imagine this was someone like myself -- an ortho-freak (why else bring to the beach?) -- that, or a homeless person. But with home or without...loving dental cleanliness is great but also, please practice environmental cleanliness -- OK!?

ps -- Smokers, you and all your cigarette butts are revolting. The world is not your ashtray.

Ok. Had to vent.

They Love Me Even In Braces

You'd think I was obsessed with the New Kids on the Block when I first had braces but...oh no. NKOTB was BEFORE my pre-teen braces days.

Well, lucky me...my loves are back. And as the pre-pubescent girl I am -- in MIND....it's kind ok NOW to be obsessing...thanks to the braces...maybe?...a little?

I know it's a stretch but come on, I HAD to find a reason to put a pic of the boyz in my blog.

They make me so happy. And yes, I am totally screwed up...I still think Danny or "monkey boy" is the cutest.

Hate

Good Morning - Ouch!

Nerd alert! Is it possible for your wire to shift during sleep? I swear, I woke up this morning and the wire on the top left-hand-side of my mouth sticking out. It's like all of a sudden, it's too long in the back and jamming into the back of my gums.

Last week the top wire on the right-hand-side was too long. Any know what in the world is going on?

Told you...total nerd alert.

The Great Return

As you can see from the number of people who attend my high-low aerobics class, during my little 'hiatus,' I was not exactly missed. Here I was all excited to return to class tonight -- ready to jump up and down and work it out...and...secretly hoping Robert, the trainer, would pick on me for 'slacking off' and missing so many classes. But...nothing.

No one asked where I had been. No one mentioned the difference in my face. Nothing. All I got was just one hell of a cramp from being so incredibly out of shape.

On the plus side...my jaw is still in tact -- after the jumping jacks and all.

Correction: Misquoted

Cousin Caroline has informed me via Facebook technology she was misquoted. Oh, the injustice!

Instead....Cousin Caroline's exact wordage was...

"How is your MOUTH"

My mistake.

Family Meets New Face

This weekend I was in Pittsburgh to celebrate my aunt's 50th birthday.

As this was the first event with my 'slightly-altered' look...the comments were highly enjoyable.

The question/comment that topped the list....

"So, what's up with your FACE?"
- My extremely cool, teenage cousin Caroline

Jaw Surgery Rules!

Rows....er....wires of happiness.

If you're debating whether or not to have jaw surgery -- put your fears aside...let me be your mascot! Hello!!!? 7 weeks post ER, or....The Freak Fest, as I like to call it, and...I'm EATING SUSHI!!!!!!

Woot woot. Holla! Where's my "You're #1!" ribbon? Um...could I sound any more white and/or extremely nerdy??

prob not.

I know what you're thinking...and yes, I probably should not have had sushi today but...I was at work...and the peer pressure took control! At this particular lunch I didn't want to be the 'challenged' one who could only order soup. Instead, I was bold. I was daring. I was....totally gnawing on crab and spicy tuna rolls like I was a pathetic feline. Gotta be honest.

but still....I ate sushi today! Celebrate!

KooKoo wROOng

With the reuniting of Wired Lady and actual, delicious and wonderful FOOD...already the consequences are setting in. Today - for instance....as you can imagine, I was highly excited to delve into the chicken, corn and mushroom-goodness of KooKooRoo.

Soooo proud - I totally kicked ass at...eating...you know, normally. So obviously, I did what any other wired individual would do and kept eating and eating...and eating.

Welp, it's about 8 hours post-ROO and let's just say, the gremlin attacking my stomach finally went to sleep.

Perhaps I should try to take it...slow?

Lock Up Your Food

Wired Lady can chew. And she's eating everything in sight.

Piñata = Dental Bills

Wired Lady kicks the hell out of a piñata.
And again...
And again...
And guess what she got?!....
Weight Watchers EXTREME chew candies....and (not complaining) a dollar bill.
Huh....I guess it's hard to put yogurt in a piñata.

The Holiday of Braces

Cinco de Mayo...
liquid holiday of happiness...

A Wired Lady celebration of 'ritas....rice & beans.
Finally...a true celebration of soft foods.

Halloween, you stink.

Cuatro de Mayo Party? - Why not!?

It's all over....
Yesterday I had guacamole...AND...Tostitos. That's right...I'm back!!!!! Nachos, here I come! Now, mind you...it's not really a chomping action happening with the chip...it's more of a sucking & wilting pattern. But...it worked!

I'm off to perfect my new skill and you know...'stretch the muscles' at a Cuatro de Mayo party -in the form of nachos and margaritas! Let's just hope the chips are like Tostitos...thinner and easier to handle. I'm not ready for the pro-level of a restaurant-style tortilla chip....yet.

Homer Simpson Have Jaw Surgery?

Brace yourselves (no pun intended) -- today I enjoyed a powdered donut. I know, right? Highly and incredibly lamely exciting. Now, I don't find myself coming across a powdered donut often but...how lucky was I that this little piece of joy entered by life the day after deemed 'ok to chew.'

Oh. Happiness.

I just wish I had realized sooner that really, not much chewing is involved in enjoying a powered donut. The soft treat (ahhhhh) just melts in your mouth. Future surgery candidates...take note. Add donut to your list.

What Do You Mean, "We're Broken Up?"

Today I had my six-week follow-up appointment at the oral surgeon's office. Can you believe it's been six weeks?! Crazy! Time flies when you're having....er....pudding.

The Good News:

1. I am healing well!
2. I have graduated to soft foods! (What exactly this means, I do not know...but I will figure it out and pretzels will help me)
3. Oddly enough, Dr. Relle approves of my boyfriend

The Bad News:

1. I need to start 'exercising' my jaw more. The rubber bands are not helping the physical therapy much -- so, oooh well...guess I'll have to take them off more (thank God!!)
2. My insurance bill or, as I like to call it...'the end of my existence' has not arrived yet
3. I won't be seeing my dental-family at Dr. Relle's office again till...my braces are off!!!! Whaaaaaaat? That's it?!?! I'm done?? I don't even have the training wheels off yet. And...I'm going to miss the gang. It's kind of nice having a focus group of people continuously complementing your face. Ha.

Happy 4th of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years, Dr. Relle. See you in '09! (ugh)