Friday, November 30, 2007

Blinged...Er...Wired Out

Tonight I smiled for my boyfriend...thus, exposing the new 'bling.' Even he took a step back. Oh yes, there is twice as much metal in my mouth and three times as much gunk stuck up in my grill. You can just call me JOHN (Lil John, that is).

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Last night was brutal on my molars. Thanks to my defeating experience at the ortho, I must have had a lot of ortho dreams -- hence, stress and grinding. My neighbors totally hate me. My alarm ran for at least an hour and a half this morning. Whoops.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Defeated Wired Lady

This picture was taken shortly after leaving Dr. Yamada's office today...
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Can you say, 'defeated?' I can!

This time around, I thought if I sounded happy with the way my teeth were looking, she would be persuaded to hurry this along -- I was wrong. I even said on numerous occasions, "Soooo, think we can schedule that oral surgeon appointment (ie...braces are done...time for round 2)??" She wasn't playin' my game.

Instead, she gave me this monstrous new wire, with weird pegs poking if that weren't bad ENOUGH...I now have GROSS clear rubber band things strapped on all four-sides of my mouth (as you can see, not a pro on the proper terminology)!!! That's ALL I need, more crevices for more crap to get stuck in MORE teeth!!!! Fantastic. I thought about including a close-up of the new additions but I just can't subject the general audience to that.

You can definitely say, my mood quickly shifted. They forced me to stare into a little hand held mirror to see my new bands and wires. You know that feeling from middle school when you feel like the ugliest, fattest and nerdiest girl in the cafeteria? Yeah. That's the place I was rockin'.

My next appointment is after the new year. And APPARENTLY, I need to see her at least two more times before Relle sees me. Which means, at LEAST 12 more weeks before even setting an appointment with the oral surgeon. Hope you like this blog because it sure as hell will not be coming to an end any time soon.

Thank you for hearing the moody Wired Lady complain I pop more and more ibuprofen because I have no feeling my my teeth. Cheers!

No Teeth Here

Last night I was at a (no surprise here) networking event. Met some cool people, enjoyed some delightful wine and...mastered the art of introducing myself without showing my teeth! Hate to brag but, I am sooo getting this one down (although I'm sure many others would disagree).

Later, when home, I turned on the debates and quickly turned them off. Was it me or did anyone else feel like they were in an alternative universe?

Today - 2 PM ortho. More details to come...

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


I was wary about the switch to Crest Pro Health but I gotta say, it was highly enjoyable. It didn't was refreshing...a lovely wintergreen teeth feel clean!
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Not sure on the long-term results but for the time being - I enjoyed this gum-flavored nighttime treat.

On a side note -- why does it feel like every decision I make in my life these days has to do with either my teeth, my braces, or my impending surgery?! Really...I don't think vacation schedules should be subjected to this oral mess. (God I wish I was planning a vacation -- just throwin' out an example). know what I mean. Looking forward to Thursday's check-up to see what the deal is.

Monday, November 26, 2007

A Few Random Wired & Non-Wired Thoughts

Back to work today. A few completely random thoughts from the holiday weekend....

-No one at the reunion mentioned the braces. I almost think this is worse than when people bring up the nerdiness. Gotta wonder what they're thinking.

-Catching up on my weeked Tivo -- what the hell is the deal with Heidi and Spencer?! How fake is this whole wedding thing?! Ugh.

-Damn I wish I had won the dental basket

-I hate the Orange County airport

-I go back to the ortho on Thursday. Looking forward to the next level of wire-intensity. Let's get this show on the road! Is it 2010 yet?!

-Tonight at Ralphs I bought Crest Pro Health because it was on sale. Nervous about this change. I do feel close to my Listerine. I'll let you guys know the results.

-I'm working on my list for Santa. For some reason I can't bring myself to write the need for a juicer/food processor. New underwear sounds more exciting. This may have to wait till my June.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Get Me Outta The Airport!

Currently at the airport.

Just got off a flight where the girl next to me was snacking on THIS...
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It did not make me happy.

Thank goodness the bar was close.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Braces Attend Boardman Reunion

Last night was the big Boardman High 10-Year Reunion . Wired Lady brought the braces and, I'd like to think, brought some fun. Below are a few observations from attending my first-ever class reunion of a boyfriend who lives in the great state of Ohio.

1. Boxed wine and beer only = classy reunion
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And really, I was fine with this. What does this say about me?

2. Swing dancers exist at all high schools.
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3. Fun was found at the Maronite Center, diversity was not.
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4. Ohioans know the Cupid Shuffle, not Souljah Boy.
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Surprising, I thought.

5. Dental basket raffle giveaways rock!
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6. Wired Lady didn't win.
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But Steve did! Seriously, who else would have wanted that basket?! The biatch who won my basket totally didn't need it.

7. Know the rules of Ohio before attending.
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8. I would not have made the Boardman HS football team thanks to the size of my head - yet again, my handicap.
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9. School spirit was in attendance.
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10. Wires were not. Wired Lady = only wired adult at pre-party, party, and after-party.
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Friday, November 23, 2007

Family Dental Plans

Still in a food coma from yesterday (oh, and the leftovers I just consumed minutes ago).

Yesterday was a fantastic day of family, friends and of course, food!

Just wanted to debrief you on two important happenings.

First, the most hilarious moment for family had to be when someone realized Rocky or, as they like to call him, 'Fang,' has an underbite similar to...YOURS TRULY.
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Thank you, Family.

Second, this is my cousin Caroline. She is a freshman in high school and is excited to have her braces removed on December 22.
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I am so happy for her. Really...I happy.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Braces Bon Appetite!

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Happy Thanksgiving to all -- the braced and the un-braced!

I made it to Cleveland. Sorry for the false advertising. Wired Lady did not realize what a pain it is to access free WIFI at the airports across the country. Seriously, ridiculous!

Hope everyone has a yummy and soft-food happy holiday!

Brace Yourself - Wired Lady Hits The Airport

Tomorrow I begin my Thanksgiving adventure at 4 AM. The day will include four cities, 3 lay-overs, 2 checked bags, and a partridge in a...wait...and a braced-face la-a-a-dyyyyy.

Stay tuned for many blogging updates on the state of my travel as the Wired Lady makes her way to the Mid-West.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Braces Aboard

Tonight I got a head start on packing for the Big Thanksgiving Adventure. Yes, that's right, I will be joining the billions of other brave/highly-stupid travelers, as we bond over boredom and flight delays in the airport terminal. It's really a fun game I plan to play, Who Wants To Bet I Will Not Arrive in Time for Turkey??!?! I am already the number one winner.

Ok. Ok. Yes, Steve I will go back to practicing optimism...errr....start practicing optimism.

Just a quick note about packing for braces. While some ortho-buddies may have dental travel kits that look similar to this...
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I am choosing to plan for the worst and as a result, my dental kit looks more like this...
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I feel it is only necessary. Should I get stuck in the airport for four days, I need to make sure my mint-flavored floss, super-powered water pick, Listerine bottle filled with tequila and extra-flex gum massager are close. Let's just say, I get cranky very easily.

God I hope the wires don't hold me up at security.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Wired Lady Auditions for TMZ

Just a typical Sunday night for the Wired Lady at the Staples Center...
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You know...hanging with all my favorite celebs...
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Mel Gibson.

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Jeremy Piven.

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Jeremy Piven & Jim Belushi.

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Ellen Pompeo.

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Two more reasons why I love the Staples Center...
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They know how to take care of a candy apple...

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...and they know the adequate size for a margarita.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Of Course Idiots Like Braces

Last night I had dinner and drinks at The Village Idiot.

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As always with my bad table karma, I was first offered literally the WORST table in the place. Standing up for my dining rights, I told the guy, "You know what. I'm actually going to wait for a better table."

This was followed minutes later by the offering of the second WORST table in the place. I'm not going to blame it on the braces...because I seem to remember this happening BB (before braces)....but, come on!!! Give the Wired Lady a break. I would actually PREFER to be hidden in the back. Why expose the wires? You'd think they would like to maintain some sort of 'image.' And...for this reason....

I really enjoyed the place. Good food. Good crowd. Great drinks. All in all...a good wired time.
The Idiots took care of the wires.

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Small mouth vs ENORMOUS mouth.
Small head vs ENORMOUS head.
Just for fun.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

A Wired Lady Confession

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'Nuff said. It wasn't pretty.
Luckily, all metal ornamentation is still in place.

God it was good.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Does Sexiest Alive = Braces?!!

Today Matt Damon was announced by People magazine as the "Sexiest Man Alive."

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For the Wired Lady, this posed the question, "Has Mr. McCutie Matt ever had braces?"

Sure enough, no surprise here, didn't even have to research it...of course not. Ironic?
I think not.

BUT -- here's a fun fact, according to an interview in 1998 by WBN Chicago (one of my favs), the question of braces was brought up, to which Matt interjected, his brother DID have braces a result...has a much "better smile."

The Wired Lady Sexiest Alive edition will be on newsstands sometime in...oh...2030.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Turkey Day In Support of Wires

Is anyone else ready for Thanksgiving? I AM! At lunch today I was drooling over the idea of having a turkey dinner for lunch. I almost did it but...I told myself, better to wait. Ugh. When the hell did I get will power?! Oooooh that's right, I chose a macaroni & cheese instead.

Unlike Halloween, Thanksgiving is definitely a day that favors braces. Can you think of one thing you can't EAT? Turkey - GO! Mashed potatoes - GO! Stuffing - GO! Pumpkin Pie - DOUBLE GO! Green Bean Casserole (my absolute FAV) - TRIPLE GO!
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Is it next Thursday yet???! Wired Lady is ready to feast! At the table, hope I will find floss next to my name card.

A Football Player Stomping On My Face?

Who doesn’t want to sleep with a football player!? Ok. Some are definitely gross. But let’s be real and focus on offense and of course, there was always that one in high school. Ahhhh. Ok. I digress. I only mention this because, I gotta say, I don’t really appreciate the NY Times comparing the evening grinding of my teeth to sleeping with a football player.

The article, “A Lineman in My Bed: Notes on Teeth Grinding,” explains that 8 to 10 percent of the adult population share this ‘issue.’ Apparently it’s called bruxism?! Hmmm. Scary word. Sounds more serious than it probably is but, I do like that finally we’re getting some attention. Of course, the article didn’t shed too much light on overcoming my not-so-secret 'shame.'

Guess I have to sign up for acupuncture now. Ugh. Add it to my bill.

Just wanted to pass along the knowledge. Have a great day!

Monday, November 12, 2007

Hello Wires. Goodbye Thursday Night Chinese Take Out

Today I selected my 'elections' for next year -- much I plan to bank towards the oral. As usual, this is one of the most depressing days of the year.

Of course, kept my top-notch insurance (goodbye social life) and totally maxed out my available Wage Works spending (preparing for the big surgery). I seriously have the insurance and health care spending plans of an 80-year-old quadrapolegic. My insurance coordinator even asked, "Are you sure you'll be spending that much in '08?"

Ooooh hello yeah! So, while my teeth will be gorgeous (God freakin' willing)...and face corrected (Hallelujah!)...and chronic headaches alleviated (Praise Jesus!)...I will, however, homeless on the streets -- as my weekly pay check continues to deplete. Oh well.

Can't have it all. Does anyone have a coupon for Special K cereal?

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Wires Representin' On The Wish List

As the 13 year-old-that I am, last night I spent my wild and crazy Saturday babysitting. And I gotta say, had a fabulous night (except for a minor tiff with a Blockbuster employee). The highlight of the evening was my middle school friend's tutorial of the new Oral B Triumph.

Holy crap!!!! It has a timer! It tells you when you're brushing too hard! It tells you when to change quadrants! Woa. I was on a dental high.

Yes, I know...I am totally not cool. But I am DEFINITELY adding it to my Santa Wish List.

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Seriously, Oral B should be paying me for this stuff. At LEAST a free sample.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Nordstrom Even Helps Braces

Nordstrom is typically known for their excellent customer service but I was a little apprehensive, as it was my first afternoon shopping -- wired.

I am happy to report - they don't all!!! Amanda was MORE than helpful and I totally found a dress to wear for Steve's reunion -- phew! (This will be a whole other blog adventure to tell you about in a few weeks ~ yes, it's true...a 10 year high school reunion...with braces ~ happy it's not mine. Although, poor Steve has to be seen with me). Anywayyyyy...

Below is a picture I not only stole (shhhhh) ...but I also altered (double shhhh).
I just had to! I couldn't resist adding the tracks. Today was a fun day of spending money.

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Thursday, November 8, 2007

Wires + Blogggers = Happiness

Vegas was fun today.

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I have to say, don't want to knock the fellow nerds but, the braces totally felt at home today at the "Blog World Expo." Not only was I surrounded by (fellow) nerds, but...on top of that...the guy/girl ration was incredible!! -- not that I'm looking but...when I write a dating blog, this fact will surely be included. I have to say, of all the conventions I've attended (which, are really not many but...enough) the bloggers were by far the friendliest group of them all.

On top of a fantastic blogger-filled day, at the airport, I totally put $1 in the Wheel of Fortune slot machine (a favorite among friends) and got $2o back. Woo hoo! It's all about the small victories in life. This win resulted in the largest pour of wine in my wired and wireless existence...

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A day in the life of the wired blogger.

Tip of the day -- be sure to visit Stan at the "Cocktail Lounge" in the Las Vegas Southwest terminal.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Wires Prepare!

Tomorrow Wired Lady gets schooled in the world of blogging - aka the "Blogger World Expo." Hittin' up Vegas, baby.

I don't plan to leave till I meet one dental blogger. Er...I may not be home till next week. I will keep everyone posted!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

The Joke Is Officially OLD

Here's a tip...(which for some reason has taken me 6 months to figure out)...when ordering dinner at a restaurant WITH BRACES...ask for your veggies (and pretty much anything else) 'extra soft.' I swear, every time the veggies come back nice and steamed and soft, I am always happily impressed. They knew exactly what I meant! And you will be sooo happy with your mushy veggies!

Another tip -- after ordering your veggies 'extra soft' try to avoid the follow-up joke about your braces. #1) the waiter isn't an idiot and can blatantly see the grossness that are wires mounted on your teeth and 2) the joke gets very old after dining with the same friends more than once

Don't ask me how I have come to give such a tip.

Rose, will you please hang out with me again?

Wired on Cold Medicine

Sorry Guys -- I have been suffering lately from a cold and a bad internet connection. Ugh! Nothing too new to report. I'm still getting used to the massive chunks of glue sitting on top of my teeth. I have the most bizarre smile of all time. But the good news is, I think I've stopped grinding my teeth at night. Welp, it's either the glue protecting my teeth or...the massive Nighttime Liquid NyQuil gel caps I've been pounding. So good. I heart being congestion free.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

A Taste of the Good Life

Yesterday I was back at the ortho's for a ton of work on, what I like to call, my 'hardware.'

Thanks to all my complaining about the differing lengths of my two front teeth, the first order of business was to re-glue the front brackets. With this came...a taste of the good life (I can hear Kanye sing)!!!!

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This also brought a sense of relief that, thanks to my Diet Coke addiction, I had only stained the glue on my front teeth, not the actual teeth. I'm afraid this might mean even more DC because seriously, look at those white rabbit teeth! Woo hoo! As long as you can't see what my liver really looks like, I'm set. But anyway, this happy moment lasted approximately 1 minute, as I was quickly re-wired and back to what I know as, my life. The good news is, after only an hour, my front teeth are (almost) back to normal! One more thing on my Wired Lady Freak List to check off.

Other orders of business yesterday included cementing a few new bands in the back and adding huge amounts of glue to the tops of my back teeth, to give my jaw something to rest on and help when eating. This glue stuff is totally bizarre and to be honest, I will probably be back next week to have it removed's doing nothing.

Poor Mona Lisa (I kid you not), my dental assistant, definitely did not win the lottery getting me yesterday. I think she was stuck with me for almost two-hours. I get a different dental assistant each time I go and I swear, I'm on to them.

On a side note, "American Gangster" was awesome! Is it weird that I just love a good drug movie?!

Friday, November 2, 2007

Oz Know No Braces

Yesterday on "Oprah" Dr. Oz suggested putting a cork in your mouth to reduce stress. With all my jaw 'issues,' I HAD to try!

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Guess what? It didn't work.

Think I'll stick with the wine instead.