Thursday, May 31, 2007

Wired Lady to the Moon

This morning I had my big check-up. I few important things to mention....

Mona, my orthodontia assistant, was extremely proud of herself because it was 9 AM and she had already been to the gym. She is on a health kick and thanks her son for waking her up in the morning. Go Mona!

Mona loved my braces. She actually said to me, "I love your braces!" How the hell do you respond to that?! I think I said something like, "Cool. I hate them."

Mona explained to me that my wires are the same wires NASA astronauts use. Seriously! She let me try to bend the wire myself and sure enough - couldn't make a dent. That was a fun experiment.

Mona's shared that her son wasn't lucky enough to get the state-of-the-art braces that I have. He's 16. His braces were off 3 years ago. Cool.

I hope I get Mona next time.

Real quick - I would just like to thank ABC for reminding me how much I LOVE the National Spelling Bee. And for the record, just because I have braces, doesn't mean I can spell.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

The Sexy Wired Lady of the 7th Grade

This photo should accurately depict the ENORMOUS fear of having braces as an adult.
In a few more months (for sure) I will look like my old self...

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Wired Lady the First Time Around - Circa 7th Grade (1994)
*posting this pic will FOR SURE set the career back 10 years

Go ahead, laugh it up. But beware of WHO is laughing. I have a few more 'braces' photos of friends as well. Ha. Love it!

Tomorrow - up early for the official check-up #1. Looking forward to chit chatting with my middle school friends. Hope they have pink toothbrushes.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Braces Back to Work

After the glorious 3+ day weekend, the braces went back to work today. We had a few new people start work today and oddly/disappointingly, no one made mention of the braces. That always makes me wonder what they're really thinking...
I have to say, I sort of enjoy it more when people outwardly make fun of them (like ROSSDOG77). Gosh, that really sounds incredibly self-obsessed -- don't you hate people with blogs?! But seriously, if people could just be more mean to me, I may have something substantial to write. Instead, I will just tell you more day till extreme tightening. Watch out banana pudding...we will soon be reunited!

Monday, May 28, 2007

Nachos...Not a Problem for the Wired Lady

There are some things in life you sacrifice the state of your dental affairs for. In my case...this means nachos. But not any nachos...DUKE'S nachos. The only way to kick off the summer with a Memorial Day celebration was being Malibu beach-side at my favorite sandy watering hole...Duke's. Ahhhh...sooo freakin' good.
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After last weekend's mishap with the Hermosa Beach Yacht Club nachos, I know what you're thinking...what the hell were YOU thinking, Wired Lady, eating more nachos?! But seriously, you have no idea. Duke's nachos are a mountain of cheese, tortilla and basically, heaven. For this monumental occasion -- the kick-off to summer...Wired Lady had no choice but to ignore her braces and well, chow down. And let me say, no freakin' regrets. Please do not tell Dr. Yamada at the Buena Vista Orthodontics Group.
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Heaven before.
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Not-so heaven after.

Tomorrow the vacation is over...back to work and better dental hygiene.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Wired Lady to the Desert

This weekend Steve & I ventured two hours away to good ol' Palm Springs for Memorial Day weekend.

A few things I learned while in Palm Springs:

1. People are nice in Palm Springs. Not one person I came in contact with (this includes waiters, pool boys and taxi cab drivers named Franciso) made mention of the braces. I attribute this to the fact that the majority of people in Palm Springs are over the age of 75. The fact of the matter is, braces cannot compete with walkers, canes and most importantly, motorized Rascals.
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We only vacation where The Golden Girls vacation.

2. Braces love margaritas.
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Really, this is not a surprising lesson for the Wired Lady or anyone who knows the Wired Lady but...during the span of those three delicious 16 oz. frozen margaritas (with salt), let's just say...I forgot I was wired. And let me tell you...that bill was well worth it!!!

3. While this has nothing really to do with Palm Springs, this discovery was made while in the area. As far as fast food straws go, I would like to officially crown Arbys as having the most Wired Lady-friendly plastic straw. Talk about sturdy!! So, if you're looking for durability and soda-pleasure...head on over to your neighborhood Arbys.
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And last...
4. If you want to feel good about yourself having braces at the age of (almost) 25, go to
Morongo Casino.
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Everyone there will be over the age of 80.
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Thursday, May 24, 2007

The Wanted Wired Lady

Steve says he still finds me attractive with braces....

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....and I know he's full of shit.

But...a mystery man actually DOES find the Wired Lady attractive. I discovered this fact today!

So, between arranging for interns' computers to be installed and ordering a housewarming gift on William Sonoma Online for someone I don't even know, I get a call asking ME out on a date. WHAT!? Did they dial the correct number? Me? The Wired Lady? How freakin' random is that?!!!! How could someone who actually has seen me WITH braces still want to date moi??

Oh yeah...he speaks little English and is twice my age. Cool.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The New Handshake

Today a 'talent' came in for a meeting and I was lucky enough to be introduced. As always, I gave the guy a 'Stephanie/Firm' handshake. At this moment, I never expected to find my new 'introduction' to the Stephanie with Braces.

Here's the mission...and as it played out today oh-so-naturally, I might add:

ME: Hi, I'm Stephanie [Give extremely strong handshake]
STRANGER: [Reacts with surprise] Wow! That is an extremely strong handshake!
ME: [Reaction of, "What? Who? Me? Nahhhh]
STRANGER: Really, that is a great shake!
ME: Welp, you know... gotta compensate for the [suddenly flash the grill] BRACES!
STRANGER: [Laughs with delight, add a slight touch of empathy]

So, the new mission of the Wired Lady = make a person's hand practically bleed so I am naturally given the opportunity to introduce the braces before the stranger realizes I have braces and passes expected judgment. Make sense?

Please note: one week till the braces are tightened for the first time.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

American Braces Idol

Much like "On the Lot" - I would like to brush up (no pun intended) on my pitching abilities...

How about... a bunch of 20-somethings forced to wear the ugliest braces imaginable for 2 years. Every day they must wear the notorious "Ugly Betty" poncho, eat corn-on-the-cob for every meal, and smile at every person they meet (elevators included). Whoever still has friends, a job and a significant other at the end of the run...WINS!

This would have to be my publicity shot...
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While completely not braces-related, please send your reviews of "On the Lot," "National Bingo Night," and whether or not you think Paula was completely drugged-up tonight.

By the way...
Did anyone catch the picture of Jordan Sparks in her first singing the age of 12? You probably missed it made me feel really REALLY great about myself.

Monday, May 21, 2007

No More Food Stuck in Braces

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My good friend Pam at the American Association of Orthodontists tipped me off to this MAJOR find. And it gets even better...the author is working on a sequel.

To get yours for only $9.95 go to...

"It's going to make kids want braces!" - Laura Garvie, MS, CCC-SLP and mother of four

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Braces, Beaches & Beers

A freakin' insanely awesome vacation to Hermosa Beach this weekend. The Hotel de Nicholas & Laura officially earned 10 stars! The accommodations were stupendous! From the Colgate toothpaste (my favorite!) to the never-ending bottles of chilled water (happy hangover), Wired Lady was a happy lady -- even after nachos sickness. For the record, do not (EVER) order nachos from the Hermosa Beach Yacht Club (it is nothing as you might be imagining at this moment). All I know is, after (more than enough) margaritas and HBYC nachos, I had dreams of my braces breaking off and holding all the metal pieces in my hands, babies snapping apart in grocery stores, and attending weddings of old professors. All of my favorite things in one nightmare.

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Nicholas Bunker - exceptional host, my favorite drunk & Wired Lady's #1 fan.

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Braces Meets Volleyball

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Double Fisting with Braces - hell no ~ no orthodontist will hold me down. Ooooh no. I've got to keep on mooooovin'.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Taking the Liquid Diet to the Beach

This afternoon I'm off to Hermosa Beach to celebrate Nick & Steve's joint birthdays with, of course, alcohol. It's time to take the braces to the beach! Day trippin'.

I would just like to make one more mention of last night's 'Stephanie-ism.' Steve brought this to my attention today, that...even WITH braces, I am still able to use my (sometimes/frequently) over-bearing personality to basically...well...fuck up. Oh yes, the braces do not stop the moments of "would ONLY happen to Stephanie." So, that's good, right? I mean, with or without braces, I'm not afraid to make a fool out of myself. Ta-daaaaa. Time to drink!

Friday, May 18, 2007

A Good Jiggle & Wiggle

I would just like to say...after an evening of albinos and certifiable crazy ladies performing what they think is 'comedy,' NOTHING is better than a Jello Pudding Cup. Holy crap. Hallelujah. Praise Jesus. Thank you, Lord. (And this had nothing to do with the alcohol consumed) Not only do you make my stomach smile, but you are so friendly and gentle to my wire compadres.
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That really does not make any sense, but I will pretend that it does.

I enjoy some Kyle Cease and I apologize to the other comic I completely offended to his face (although, you really did suck). Just a typical night for the Wired Lady.

Hello Listerine....

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Braces Anatomy

So, I've been sitting here for ten minutes now trying to think of what I can say about the current state of my braces when all I reallllllly want to do is talk to SOMEONE about the GREY'S ANATOMY SEASON FINALE!! Oh. My. God. What the heck? So many emotions. So many thoughts. I don't even know how I feel about all that happened but...oh...sorry, wait...back to the life of Wired Lady. Ummmm....

Two things. One -- everyone on "Grey's" has beautiful teeth. And...two - I'm rooting for someone next season to delve into the adult braces world. Just for fun. Ok. There! Totally found a way to blog about "Grey's" & braces. Incredible lame but...done.

Um...I KNEW the cute girl from the bar would be back to mess with McDreamy! Holy crap. She was such a casting score, there's no way they'd ditch her. Dammit!

Gotta go floss...

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Sushi & Braces? Can It Be Done????

If anyone can accomplish it...I can!
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Last night Steve and I celebrated his birthday with one of our favorites...sushi!

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When Steve picked a sushi restaurant for his birthday celebration, I have to admit, I was a little bit wary. How would my oral disability effect the ability to consume my favorite fishy delights? Rightfully so, I did a little research. And by 'research' I mean, I asked Jacquie B. - mainly because she is the only person who frequently visits my cubicle. But nonetheless, Jacquie had a wonderful suggestion, which I now pass along to all my friends in the adult braces paper!!!!!!! That's right, if you think about a sushi roll, what comes to mind? Seaweed! Oh yes. Not easy to eat, even without a mouth of metal. The tip for eating sushi with braces is...request a soy paper wrap. With all the soy sauce I use to dunk my rolls in anyway, I couldn't even taste the difference! Hooray for braces & sushi! Also, a roll with a cucumber surrounding is also advised but BEWARE...sticky rice loves nesting in braces. I would highly recommend avoiding sushi if on a first date and rocking the braces.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Hittin' the Braces

Last night Marissa, Rosa & I hit up Republic. Two notes on 'clubbing' in braces. Number 1 - it's really hard to dance and keep one's mouth shut. The way I figured it, I didn't need strangers knowing I was rockin' the grill (some may rightfully so label it a disadvantage in getting gross Brazilian men to dance with you), so I tried hard to keep the lips tight. However, not only do I just look retarded but it actually is difficult to dance as crazy as need be to J.T., and hide the braces.

Second - going to clubs is actually an advantage to those of us rockin' the adult braces. How is this possible, you might ask? Darkness, crazy strobe lights and lots of rapid movement.
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Trying to minimize the number of photographs taken of Stephanie for obvious reasons. But how cute do they look?!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Big Boca Discovery

Often when I go to the grocery store I become depressed looking at the same boring items week after week. Boring water, boring milk, boring Lean Cuisine...the conveyor belt holds nothing fun, yet always equals the same enormous amount. But today was different! Today, in the grocer's freezer, I re-discovered Boca burgers! Yes, I know what you're thinking. Gross, fake meat, weird veggies, etc. But from the braces perspective (that's me!) this is a total score. Not only is a Boca burger so easy to make (God bless the microwave) but it's super soft and doesn't get stuck in the good ol' metal cage in my mouth. Woo hoo!!! My belly is so happy right now, I can't even tell you. Although I just did.

So, for those of you out there with a face full of metal, I give two thumbs up to the Boca burger as a meal option. Softer than chicken, more filling than soup.
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Get happy! Get Boca!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Braces are No Shingles sister was diagnosed with shingles today. Um....what the hell? Is it like the 1800s here or what? How freakin' random is THAT? Not an email you expect to get from your mother with the subject line "Your Sister Has Shingles."

At least braces don't burn, itch and/or is associated with a herpes disease. Uhhh, gross!

Wednesday, May 9, 2007


This afternoon I called the orthodontist's office to ask if I could rinse with Listerine. As I asked this question, I knew it was totally ridiculous but nonetheless, I wanted to make sure I had a correct answer. (Hell, I am desperate for my chompers to feel clean in any way possible) After Maria assured me that of course it's ok, we continued to have an important and meaningful conversation. I learned that not only did Maria recently have braces but that she too is addicted to Diet Coke. After frightening me with threats of my carbonated goody staining and loosening the glue around my brackets, it was decided that the answer to all this trauma was...a straw. I said, "but what if I used a straw to drink my DC" and without a thought she said, "that works!" End of story. God bless Maria and god bless straws. It was a long and traumatic conversation that ended happily.

More Networking in Braces

Last night I went to a "I work in reality TV" networking event. My friend, Jill, whom I met at a different networking event, organized the whole thing. She is a Stephanie times ten-billion. She makes me feel extremely lazy. Anyway...

Important lesson of the evening -- Do not order a mojito at a restaurant where I don't know how they make them...while wearing braces. Sure enough (with loud voice)...the mint was crushed and floating in bit-sized pieces throughout my glass. Totally not a good way to 'network' or 'make a good impression' with tiny pieces of mint stuck in between my braces. Can you say, self conscious? Can you say, High School Musical?

Second lesson of the night -- people who are desperate to leave their jobs and 'network' to find new ones, do not care that you have braces. I could have had neon green headgear beaming around my didn't matter. So long as I had a job and liked it and made it sound important, anyone at a networking event befriend me.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Cinco de Mayo & BRACES

I learned an important lesson on Saturday night...braces do not prevent margaritas from freely flowing. With or without braces, hangovers still occur.

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This is what braces and Cinco de Mayo look like.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Drinking Like a Grandma

All those years I wondered why my grandma offered me a straw to drink my pop. Now, I finally understand.

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Lord, I love Diet Coke but please do not leave a permanent braces stain on my teeth for the rest of eternity.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

100% Wired

This morning I went to my third and final appointment in acquiring braces. My mouth is now 100% metal. The highlight = meeting my first adult friend with braces and bonding over a discussion about how much flossing stinks. The lowlight = hearing the word 'cement' being said countless times in association with my teeth.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007


Tonight a waiter at the Improv on Melrose mistakenly thought I was nice because I have braces. Welp, after two pomegranate martinis with little to no alcohol, he soon realized I'm a raging bitch in wires.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Networking in Braces

"Hi, my name is Stephanie. I work in television and yes, I do have braces."
Tonight I stopped by the new girls in entertainment networking group. It went ok. It's weird meeting new people with the braces. Actually, it's kind of nice because no one asks about them. With people I know, I have to tell the whole story and blah blah blah. Maybe this is a lesson? Find all new friends?