Friday, February 29, 2008

I am a Wired Pimp

The dental gods are smiling down on me....

I arrived home today, after a long week at work, opened the mail (expecting fun insurance bills) and what do I find?? A $30 movie theater gift card and a hand-written thank you note from my very own orthodontist!

Why the special gift? Oh yes, totally referred Steph, my cubemate.

Just call me the Wired P-I-M-P! Holla!!!!

I feel like I should start a business -- Let me know if you're in need of braces or jaw surgery or really, even a cleaning...I'll refer you...and we'll split the profits!!!

I feel like an advertisement for an ING high-yield saving account.

That's's ok to be the same time...feel incredibly sorry for the state of my existence.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

My Life Is So Bizarre

Today was a big day in the life of a wired lady.

This afternoon Steve and I hauled it over to Northridge for my big oral surgeon pre-op appointment. As promised, some video was taken. As (probably) expected, none of that video is ready to be posted. Thank you ambulances, firefighters and police cars on the way home.

As a little 'tease,' below is a list of fun facts I learned today:
  • what Lorna (the insurance lady) looks like
  • what it feels like to sign the biggest check I've ever written ( crap)
  • what vitamins you're suppose to take to reduce bruising and swelling (hello excitement!)
  • what other patients talk about when they visit the oral surgeon's office (weird)
  • what size my face is

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Really? A Nice Medical Professional? For Me?


Today I called to schedule my blood donation pre-op appointment at the hospital.

I'm not going to blame it on 'that time of the month,' (although I have been known to get emotional during Dove commercials) but honestly, the kindness of David at the blood unit almost brought me to tears. The warmth, compassion, friendliness, lovingness, cheerfulness, sense of humor -- I could go on forever -- of this man....made be feel, quite frankly, all warm inside. He not only knew who I was when I called (a first in my medical life!) but the time he took to give parking instructions was immeasurable.

Some stickers read "Give Blood. Get a Hug." No way...stickers should read, "Schedule an appointment to give blood and you get a hell of a lot more than a hug -- you get a freakin' kiss to your soul."

While I am only donating one unit of blood for surgery, I wish I could give this man ten.

Think I'm a little 'sensitive ' today? Do I need to answer?

Tomorrow is a biggie -- back to the oral surgeon's office for a super-duper appointment. I'm expecting it to be an appointment with much info on pre-op, op, and post-op (totally getting the lingo down) instructions I have been dreading to hear. I am dragging Steve know for emotional support and blah blah blah....but really, so he can videotape the entire thing. I'm sure it will be excellent entertainment.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The Car Air Freshener For Dental Enthusiasts

You may be familiar with cherry, vanilla and the ever-popular pine air freshener but perhaps you haven't experienced the LISTERINE car air freshener?

Literally, I jump in my car after work today and think to myself, "Wow. My car smells really nice. I rule."

Well, two hours later, when I'm unpacking my car I find THIS...
Yes, a practically-empty bottle of Listerine with the cap off, spilled and lying across my back seat (The pajamas were introduced when taking this pic later. As you can see at this point, I'm not dressin' up for you guys -- considering in a few weeks you'll see me at my 'best' - and by 'best' I mean...passed out, drooling, face wired-shut, etc.).

Besides my back seat drenched and stained....I am MOST upset about high-quality Listerine gone wasted!!!!
I just bought that bottle on Sunday.


My life rocks. Totally random but in my 'air freshener' research, I found my (way in the) future child's first Halloween costume.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Tooth Tunes to Change My Life

Is it me or is it extra hard to come back to work on a Monday following a four-day work week?
It may totally be me but I swear...Wired Lady had trouble in the motivation department today -- trouble being motivated UNTIL....I found THIS..........

If only I had known all along....what I've needed in my life is some MUSIC for my MOUTH!!!!!
Top 5 Songs Wired Lady Would Want to Rock Out While Brushing...
  1. Kanye - Good Life featuring T-Pain
  2. Chris Brown - Kiss Kiss featuring T-Pain (my BOY!)
  3. Kanye - Touch the Sky
  4. Cupid - Cupid Shuffle
  5. Sara Bareilles - Love Song (a little more mello but good for the rinsing process)
While I am a sucker for some John Mayer - if you put Johnny Boy on my toothbrush, my braces may drive me to inhale high levels of anti-depression medication. I would prefer to force fake levels of extreme happiness while killing plaque and gingivitis.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Finding Lost Love At The Grocery Store

Watch out for THIS aisle in your local grocery store...
That's right, it's the special Easter aisle -- in all it's yummy, gummy, gooey glory. I swear, I was salivating for at least 2 minutes, stopped dead in my tracks. My eyes twinkled, my belly smiled and then...I was reminded of...lousy wires.

Oooooh how MUCH do I want some Starburst Jelly Beans (honestly, the BEST of all the beans) right now?! And hello, let's not forget about PEEPS!!

Awww man. It was not pretty rolling my grocery cart towards the Jello freezer section.

Big Night For Precious Metals

What's metal, shiny and expensive as all hell?
You guessed it!



Saturday, February 23, 2008

So My Life

So, in the mail today, I finally received the new letter from my insurance company, guaranteeing coverage for surgey. But guess what? It now has the wrong surgery date on it.


So my life.

Trying very hard, in the name of Oprah and The Secret and magical positive thoughts, to not let this little 'set-back' impact the weekend.

I have wine, French food, and birthdays to enjoy this evening.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Beauty Queens

Can you guess which one's a co-host on "The View" and which one still has her braces on????

Oh yes, this morning on "The View" Elizabeth Hasselbeck shared this (the one on the left, duh) pic when referring to whether or not kids should be allowed to airbrush their school picture. Gotta say, kind of offended...considering my continued 'look.'

Even worse...Whoppi continued to say something like "Man, you couldn't get through airport security today looking like THAT!"

WHhhhhaaaaa? I travel just fine...thank you very much.

For the video clip...go here

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The Nightmares Begin


Last night I had my first surgery, nightmare. It all began with a group of us playing "The Jaw Surgery Game Show. " Totally creepy. It was like a self-help/support group all going on a dental field trip together.

Next, I remember being AWAKE for the actual surgery. Literally, I am lying on the table, staring at the doctor, as he cuts my lower jaw open. Then, after realizing he messed up, tells me to come back next week! Like, no big deal or anything.

Damn you Trader Joe's Sonoma Valley Chardonnay. And here I thought stepping it up to the $3.99 bottle would be a good idea.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Wired Lady, I Was At The Doctor...and Naturally Thought Of You


What am I doing you might ask? Welp, now that many people at work know I'm having surgery (such a dirty word...worse than 'moist', I think)...I've been getting a lot of 'advice.'

Today Alex told me he visited a chiropractor and naturally, thought of me.
( I 80-years-old or something? )

Anyway, medial judgement aside, I gotta say...his advice was welcomed. Alex is also a night grinder -- and I'm not talking about whatever that Latino kid was doing at Le Deux on Saturday night.

Alex shared a trick his doc taught him for neck tension. I tried the whole palms up, neck back, shoulder roll thing a few times today...I'm still...waiting for the results. But hell, I'll try anything! Anyone remember the cork experiment?

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

WL Rapper -- Where My Mind's At...

So, with a surgery date locked down and proper paperwork being filled this moment, I should probably be thinking about things like oh, I dunno...buying proper 'materials' for post surgery recoup, saving some serious dollar bills, preparing to train a temp to fill my position at work? know...important/actually legitimate stuff.

Instead, below are a few thoughts that have actually hit my mind in the past 24 hours:

1) I'm going to have to do a major cleaning/over-haul of my bathroom before my mom shows up (that ring around the tub is not lookin' so hot)
2) I should send an Evite for my 'Last Supper' to friends to join me for a my Mexican fiesta (yum nachos!)
3) I've gotta get to Lou on Vine for their Tuesday Tasting of Beaujolais before surgery (I wonder what tasting I'll probably miss while I'm out?)

As my mom said to me on the phone..."I don't think we really know the adventure we're in store for."

You can say that again!

Monday, February 18, 2008

A Presidential-Sized Day of...Cleaning

The ultimate duo for braces-happy cleaning...
I know it's totally gross but...anyone else see a trend in how quickly your bathroom mirror looks absolutely disgusting?? I like to think of it as 'projectile flossing.' But seriously, if you can floss with braces and maintain a beautifully clean mirror - you win. I lose. Better go clip a new Windex coupon - looks like I'm almost out.

Also -- to the GyllenBabble Crew...if I recall correctly, Reese and Jake were both wearing black. Also, black coats. Reese's hair was down. According to the waiter, when they got to the restaurant they were acting 'cold' -- perhaps in some sort of a fight. By the time I arrived, I assumed they had been there a while, because his arm was around her neck...practically the whole time. They spoke to each other 2 inches from their faces -- hence the 'canoodling.' As cheesy as it sounds, they appeared to be very much 'in love.' But honestly, no normal people sit at dinner in that position. Welp...that's my TMZ reportin' for ya.

Now back to the business of braces.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

I Can Die Now...It's Ok

I had the most amazing meal and date of my life last night -- not to be too overly dramatic or anything. But, the fact of the matter is, I can die happy now. Before...while the Sushi Rokus and Cuts and Asia de Cuba meals have been fantastic...nothing compares to dining event I experienced last night at Chef Tom Colicchio's (go Top Chef) CRAFT.

(Can you tell I maybe don't get out much?)

Holy crap! So freakin' good! The service was amazing. Um...did I mention Jake and Reese were canoodling at the table to our left?! Hello! AND...nevermind the mouth-watering car was at valet before we walked out the door!!!! Oh. LORD!
The Craft Martini - love. Love even more...this pic for not showing the wires.

I gotta say, Steve was totally in his 'element.' Ha.

Did you know octopus isn't ideal for us wired ladies? Me neither.

Now that the surgery date has been set the obvious question is -- what will the final meal be? I gotta say, if surgery was tomorrow -- I would be a happy lady. You may see me return to CRAFT before March 22nd. Although...Mexican is a strong contender. Margaritas and nachos are tough to beat.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Save The Date

I owe everyone $10.

March 22nd - 7:30 AM

Playing The Phone Game

Yesterday when I called Lorna, the insurance lady at the oral surgeon's office, she proceeded to tell me how great of surgeon Relle is. "Oooo he's just wooonderful. People come from all over to use him. He is so gentle, blah blah blah..."

Um...Lorna, you don't need to sell me on him. I have been sold for quite whole freakin' mouth is full of metal! Please please please just give me an official date for surgery! I hate being short with Lorna on the phone but, this point, I don't even care if he's good.

Will this be resolved today?

Ten bucks says, no. I'll keep you posted.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Braces Say Love


Send an
Ugly Betty Valentine
and say love with braces!

Happy Valentine's Day to all my wired and non-wired friends!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Visualizing the Dream

The bulletin board in the ortho's office celebrating the day one become braces-free...
...'nuff said.

A girl can only dream. I'm thinking of bringing champagne for all the dental assistants for this day. How sweet would that be!? A group shot with everyone boozin' it up! Ha. Anyone have any other ideas?

What the hell am I talking about? I have loooots of time to prepare for this Polaroid shot. Hopefully by 2010 I will have it all pre-set - with extra and props and all. Excuse the randomness...just trying to look forward to something...

Damn my jaw is killin' today...wonder if it was the peanuts or gummies?

No one ever thinks about it but salad is a bitch to eat -- much chewing involved. I would much rather op for mac & cheese.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Just So You Know...

...I am having surgery. So, may not see me for a while.

This was the super awkward conversation I had with my hairdresser on Sunday. Before leaving, while handing over the tip, I just had to drop the line. And boy was it random. I had to tell her. Come April, I don't want her to think I've ditched her. As many of you ladies know, hair is expensive. And I normally have to systematically plan each visit. With all this happening, I just don't think I want to shell out the big bucks right before my face is rearranged. No matter what my roots look like, there is no way of escaping the hell I will sure to feel like. No super, deep conditioner is gonna spark The Secret-like thoughts I should try to have.

The completely self-absorbed question I keep asking myself is, do I want an ok-looking before pic or an awesome after pic? Ha. But also, is it realistic to think I'm not going to get my hair done for another 3 months?

Maybe I should worry about more important things like, oh...I don't know...actually getting a surgery date first?

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Toast to Teeth

Most normal couples celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, job promotions...Steve & I...we celebrate insurance approvals!

The night began with a self-taught wine lesson thanks to Gary at Wine Library TV. We learned that Acacia Carneros Chardonnay 2006 smells and tastes like buttery popcorn. Interesting, indeed. Would we have been able to figure this out without watching Gary on the laptop? Of course not.

Next was a dinner test at the recently-hyped Melrose Bar & Grill. Our review?
Eh. Not worth it. Food was average and service was poor. All in all we used the word "mess" to describe the entire dining experience.

Luckily, the date was saved with an AMAZING stop at Susina Bakery on Beverly.
Holy crap!!!

I know we have covered this before but as you well know....cake (especially chocolate and raspberry) makes braces very very very happy.

This photo sums up the evening...

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Tooth-Happy Cookies!

Dealing with a serious sweet tooth today...and I literally found one...


and TOOTHBRUSH/PENIS Cookie Cutter!

How freakin' cute!??! Definitely adding to my surgery 'REGISTRY!' Ha!

I was suppose to spend this Saturday afternoon beginning my initial surgery research (I have avoided for so long - as my stomach cannot handle it).

As you can see, Wired Lady the Procrastinator is at work.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Happiness is...

Standing inside a Dunkin Donuts...


...reading the words...."your insurance is APPROVED!"

Do you hear the angels sing? I do.

Working on Thanks

As many of you know, since the New Year, I have been trying to work on being 'thankful.' Usually, this little 'practice' begins and ends the day with me saying 5 overly-sarcastic things to myself like..."I am thankful to have a television even though I don't have digital cable" or "I am really thankful I have to get quarters every time I want to do my laundry" and the favorite, "I am thankful I have all my teeth however, my jaw is wrecked and my insurance sucks." So, as you can see, I am not doing a great job on this little 'resolution.'

BUT -- today, thanks to Stephanie #2 I found my 'thing' to be thankful for this morning!!!

I am THANKFUL I don't have to go to the periodontist. Yes! I am soooo thankful to find a doctor, who deals with teeth, who I haven't had to visit!!!

My day is lookin' up!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Braces Meet Meat

What happens when your friend chooses a steak house for her birthday celebration? You order fish!

While the steaks looked AMAZING, there was no way this jaw was having it.


Last night we celebrated Megan's birthday at the oh-so-yummy-place-I've-been-dying-to-try-for-a-while, CUT. It was fabulous! A much needed night of girl talk more food!

Braces and Some Crazy-Ass Bangs Meet Classy Steak Joint

It was a nice escape from the insurance drama that is my current (fantastic) life. No sarcasm at ALL...nope...none.

Did I mention we actually met Wolfgang Puck? (my apologies for the name dropping -- couldn't resist) What a nice guy! Master chefs apparently are not turned off by braces.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Presidential-Sized News

Today I received the big news...not from CNN or Fox News...but from the ortho and oral surgeon....
...I am medically ready for surgery.


How am I feeling about this? You'd think I would be happy, right? Nope. Not really. Instead, I'm freaking out because I had to start from square one on getting insurance approval. I hate to say it, but I was secretly hoping I might not be ready -- then the surgery hold-up wouldn't be on my end. But...of is. Not my fault, of course, but a huge problem. And now a huge hold-up with my life moving forward. I feel worse that I can't give my employer a definite leave of absence date. Ugh.

I am such a type A -- I am having HUGE issues not being able to plan my life at the moment. I know as soon as I have a definite and new confirmation from my insurance company, and set an official date for surgey...I will feel much better. Till then...I'm sort of sick.

Thanks for letting me be honest. Not so much funny but true.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Oh. I Get It Now.

This weekend I was at a party where I ran into a fellow co-worker. After disclosing my age, in the midst of a random conversation, I was followed by the comment "Oh, I thought you were so much younger!"

Highly startled by this comment - I obviously didn't know how to respond. Is this good or bad? It's gotta be bad - for sure.

So, I have been racking my brain all weekend wondering, why? What am I doing at work that makes people think I'm such an amateur. What's wrong with me? Is it my clothes? My phone voice? What? wasn't until today when I's the BRACES!!!! Duh, you idiot (!)

No wonder he didn't respond when I asked, "What do I do that makes you think I'm young?" He looks at me and sees THIS...
You'd think by now I would be used to this. Sadly, no.

I Am So A Cashews Girl

Hey, I HAVE braces so I'm no where near being offended by this commercial. I love it!

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Super BRACES Bowl

I enjoy football. Not so much for the game itself but I would say, for the experience. Hey, who doesn't like sitting around on a lazy Sunday, watching football and oh yes, eating, drinking and...staring at men in spandex.

So, tomorrow is the big day! The big day for the big bowl....big bowl of...CHILI!! Steve is making is magical Super Bowl Chili and what could possibly be a more braces-friendly meal!???


It is totally a Super Braces Bowl!!!