Thursday, January 31, 2008

It's On!

Today was the first day I got through to Lorna, Dr. Relle's insurance guru, since the beginning of this new debacle. In the past, I have described Lorna as too sweet-sounding and quite frankly, 'adorable' over the phone -- welp, all of this changed today. Today I saw a new side of Lorna. Kick Some Ass Lorna showed up to work today -- after hearing from...MY insurance company!

Yup, that's right (breathing heavily)...thanks to my company dropping a third party group who apparently determines pre-authorization procedures, Empire is now telling me my pre-authorization letter (dated back in March of '07, by the way) is invalid.

So. Not. Cool.

All I can say at this point's on. Lorna is not happy and you KNOW Wired Lady is sooooooo not happy. This is like the insurance soap opera from hell. Sit back and enjoy the shitty programming.

A Perfect Wired Ryan

It's time to admit a reoccurring dream I tend to have.

That's right, it's Ryan Secrest. Don't get me wrong here, I don't dream that Ryan and I are dating or hooking up or anything like that. Instead, because of my dreams (OH LORD I sound like such a freak show), I have come to believe...that Ryan and I are meant to be friends. Ha. No, really...I dream about getting drinks with Ryan Seacrest. How messed up is THAT!? It's like we're meant to be BFFs and drink endless amounts of margaritas together.

BUT -- last night, I am proud to announce, was the mother of all Ryan Seacret dreams!!! Ooh yes, I dreamt that Ryan was not only my FRIEND but...he had BRACES!!!!!


In the dream I was completely obsessed with getting pictures of him and I together...for the hilarity of this blog!
What is happening to my liiiiiiife?
And I gotta say, I didn't even watch American Idol last night.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Great Braces Debate


My Vote...

Totally the cashews...



Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Hold The Phone!!!

Let's play a fun game of...
"Your Boss is Calling But Who's On the Phone??!!!!"

Your BFF's on the phone - the boss calls - what do you do? - HANG UP!

Mom's on the phone -- the boss calls - what do you do? - HANG UP!

Your high school sweetheart just found you on MySpace and is on the phone - the boss calls - what do you do? -

Brad Pitt is on the phone -- the boss calls - what do you do? - HANG UP? (really?, yes.)

Your insurance company has finally returned your phone call after numerous messages left -- the boss calls -- what do you do?..


This was my life today. Literally, I brought my cell phone with me into a MEETING - with my other ear listening to a DIFFERENT call...all because...I COULDN'T HANG UP AND LOSE MY BIG SHOT!!!

Yes, I may have lost my job...and yes, I did not at ALL hear the news I wanted to hear....but all in all...I'm trying to stay positive and think of it as...progress made.

The Great American...Wait

I am still waiting....waiting , oh waiting...for a call back from my insurance case manager. Alyssa, if you are out there...please return my phone calls....blah...

Luckily, I can't really say this Great American Wait is holding me down...

This weekend...tons of fun was had in San Diego.
Next time you are there - go to a restaurant/bar called SHOUT! It's a dueling piano bar and basically the happiest place on earth!

Random but I just have to share the insanely old elevator in our hotel....
Yes, that is an iron gate and yes, we liked to call it 'The Titanic.'

Last night was Lucy's big golden birthday party. I gotta be honest, not a huge karaoke fan. I get that people want to stand up and sing and pretend to be a rock star but...what I don't understand is, why on earth you'd want to sit through all the other bad people? I like to say it's pain being inflicted back and forth between people. Ha. was a wildly successful party...thanks to....tequila....
If you look closely you will see 'Mr. Frank Sinatra' in the back....oy. The only real want to prevent the pounding headache.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Lucky Lady?

You would think a rainbow would mean good luck, right?
Like...good luck that I would get through to my insurance company and speak to a real person? Welp, negative. Ha. I did, however, get through to a voice mail (score!) for my 'case manager' -- but...I was such a nervous wreck on the phone, I realized this evening that I left the wrong number. I definitely left a combination of my boss's and my cell phone. So, back to square one on Monday.

In unrelated good news...tomorrow the girls and I are road trippin' it to San Diego to visit Meredith. Can't wait! No rain in SO CAL will stop us from eating and drinking our way through the Gas Lamp District. Enjoy the weekend ALL!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

More Moldy Lady

Today I trucked to freakin' Northridge to visit my somehow-designated-favorite-oral-surgeon-in-the-state-of California-even-though-he's-not-covered-by-my-insurance, Dr. Relle. I have to say, it was nice seeing him. Well, it had been over a year, so, it was due time. He is a very pleasant looking man and I gotta say, his voice is very soothing. And as creepy as it sounds, I was sort of captivated by his gentle hands, as his mixed more and more dental algae/mold material. I figured this was a good sign -- being that he is a suregeon.

So, more molds were taken. He said these were the hard-core kind (although not in those words), so he can play with my 'fake' teeth and see if they are ready for surgery.

I have become a moldy pro.

All in news...just a long haul in traffic and lots of rain. Hopefully real news tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Big Day Thursday

Tomorrow brings the big visit to the oral surgeon. It's been over a year since my last visit. My feelings on this...bring it on! Also,...god I hope I don't lose my job. My little road trip to freakin' Northridge tomorrow will surely take half an eternity.

Completely random, I know, sweet would it be if there's a McDonalds on the way?! Have I mentioned my mini obsession with the McDonalds' vanilla cone? Forget the flashy Pinkberrys and YoGo Tangos of the SOCAL area...just give me a good ol' fashion/white-trash Mickey D's vanilla and I am a happy Wired Lady. Um...delicious.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Glamour Shots Gone Wrong

Today I revisited the specialty x-ray office in beautiful downtown North Hollywood for my mid-progress shots.
I had the same x-ray dude I had when I began this journey, this time last year. Yet again, he added his two cents about how he hates to think about having jaw surgery -- sweet, thanks man! Way to empathize. I gotta say though, this guy might have the worst job in the world -- taking shots of the ugliest teeth and jaws in the land. I told him I'll be back when this thing is all over for my real beauty shots -- only next time...I'm bringing tequila to celebrate!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Moldy Fun


Today I was back at the ortho's for mold-taking time. What I learned -- taking molds is much trickier when you already have braces on. In all honesty, I thought my braces and teeth were going to rip right out. The plus side, I chose raspberry as my mold/impression flavor of choice and could not have been happier. An excellent decision, I must say. As you might remember, I began this oh-so-fun journey with pina coloda impressions. I thought today called for a raspberry martini instead -- guess you can say I have certainly grown up in a year.

First Call of the Week - Dental

Definitely my first call AND voice mail of the week was from Dr. Relle's office.

A lot happened on Friday that I have neglected to mention as of yet -- only because I am trying not to A) Freak out and B) Get too excited.

So, the ortho's office called on Friday and said the oral surgeon's office called them (are you following?) Anyhow, Relle wanted to see if I can get this surgery in before my pre-authorization letter expires on March 23 (this was the piece of info which was so hard to pull from my many Lorno convos).

Soooooo A) I am glad Lorna finally explained to the doctor the 'situation' B) I am glad the ortho's office is letting me move this process along faster but C) I am worried about rushing, not only for health reasons but also, I don't want to piss my work off with such short notice of absence.

So, this is the story at this time. Instead of going to get my molds done in March (as originally expected) I am now going....TODAY. Holy crap! Now I am freaking out...this insanity could happen before Easter. Yikes.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Wires Are Blowin' Up The Cell

I have come to the (pathetic) realization that the majority of the phone calls I receive on my cell phone are related. That's right, how excited was I to see a new number calling my cell phone on a Saturday night, only to hear the robot-sounding words, "Hello. Calling from Dr. Yamada's office to confirm...your...appointment...on...blah blah blah...."

Oh yes, this is my saucy social life. No one better bother trying to reach me...I am incredibly hard to track (no pun intended) down.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Go Me!!!!!

As you may remember, Friday was the dreaded dental cleaning...ugh.

As I am optimist and happy before...

And here I am...beaten down after...

The good news is...
a) I didn't have the Russian. Woo hoo! Instead, I had a lovely old lady named Betty
b) Betty was so sweet and actually highly congratulatory as to how well I managed to keep my mouth full of metal clean (I have to say, I am actually proud). Funny though -- on numerous occasions throughout the cleaning, Betty said, "Gosh, you do have a lot of hardware in here."
c) No cavities (as if Betty could actually see the bottom of my teeth between all the wires)
d) FREEBIES!!! Woo hoo!! I love a free dental goodie bag!

Finally, a little lovin' after the no-stocking Christmas mishap.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

No Fun Friday

Tomorrow is a day I have been dreading for several weeks now. That's's my 'specially suggested because you have braces' dental cleaning. Oh. Lord.

The last time I went to an 8 AM cleaning, then reported to work...Michelle, at the front desk said..."What happened to you?!" Ha. Seriously, tomorrow I will FOR SURE yet AGAIN look like I was run over by a truck.

I will be sure to take a before and after pic -- to stress this point.

Please please please do not give me the Russian dental hygienist -- she is ROUGH. The last time I had her, it took me a week to recover -- and a bottle of vodka.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Yahoo Answers!

In case you were wondering...

Glenn C on Yahoo Answers asked:
"Are you allowed to wear braces to an American Idol audition?"
To save you the time in finding this answer (because I'm sure you, like me, have spent hours awake at night pondering this very question), I have included a few of the responses below:

whlembo: "No absolutely not allowed to wear braces to an american idol autidition - don't even think about it, they will through you right out."

callahan: "No, they make you take them off at the door, then put them back on when you leave...Of course you can have braces!
The reflection of the lights off your teeth will blind Simon Cowell...ha ha."

r.i.p michelle rodriguez: "ugh im jealous.......... i am 15, and i am going next year hopefully... I dont see why you wouldnt be able to, that would be kind of stereotypical, (i hope thats the right word, lol) they cant say, no you cant get through because of your braces, the braces are not singing you are. I WISH GOOD LUCK!!!!! HOPEFULLY I WILL SEE YOU ON TV!!"

That's right, just me and some of my wired pals -- guess i might have a shot next year. Phew!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

With a Heart of Gold, really

I waited till 3 PM to bother/call Lorna in Dr. Relle's office again today. This is sort of how our conversation always plays out....

WL: Lorna, hi. Any news?
Lorna: Oh. Um....hold on a minute. Let me check.
WL: Ok.
Lorna: Oh. Goodness! I just rolled my chair too far. [insert giggles]
WL: [insert fake (god I hope you can help me) optimistic giggles]
Lorna: Oh, yes. I did call. You have very good insurance.
WL: Ok. Fine. But does the letter still stand?
Lorna: Oh. Well, it is only good till March 23rd. Then we will have to extend it.
WL: Well, let's do that -- nothing's going to happen before then.
Lorna: Oh. Well, you should call your provider and ask about that.
WL: But didn't you just call and ask them about it?
Lorna: Well. Um...let me check your file....

Monday, January 14, 2008

WL - What Are You Good For?

Our dear, sweet 'office mom' Jenny came over to my desk today and asked one, small, simple question..."Do you have any toothpaste?"

Of allllll days....
I had none.

What the heck? What in the world is my purpose in this life, if the Wired Lady cannot even share some toothpaste??? She knew she had the best chance asking me this question and look what happened -- an utter same.

Because of this, I definitely made a pit stop at Rite Aid this evening to stock up. Mark my words, this mistake will never occur again. Jenny is so nice and always re-stocks my paper and pen needs at work, the LEAST I can do is offer a little fluoride flavor.

ps -- no insurance updates today.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Looking Forward to a Case of the Mondays

I gotta say, after Friday night's dream, I'm highly concerned about tomorrow's phone call from Lorna. I am really hoping there is some sort of news and/or action plan. I hate waiting. I feel like my entire life is in a holding pattern and it's embarrassing to admit why...thank you, braces.

This weekend, Steve is in Vegas having the time of his life and I am home reading "The Time Travelers Wife." As I creep through this book, I'm wondering if maybe this whole adult braces episode of my life is merely some sort of warped time travel? would definitely explain a lot.

On a seriously annoying side note...what the hell was that "Golden Globe Winners Presentation????" NBC -- what the hell?! Why Billy Bush and Nancy O'Dell???? And who on Earth told them it would be ok to add their two cents after ever winner was announced?

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Vicodin. Where Are You?

Last night I woke up in a cold sweat. Why? Oh. Because LORNA, Dr. Relle's new administrative assistant, was in my NIGHTMARES!!

After explaining this dream sequence, an email from my mom suggested, "Please relax and enjoy life."


Yeah, would be easier to 'enjoy life' if Lorna wasn't haunting my dreams! Literally, in the dream/hell, Lorna told me that my insurance company 'no longer is in that type of business.' mean...the business of insuring people??????

My life.


Thursday, January 10, 2008

Happy Hour Without The Cocktails

This morning I attended adult happy hour at the orthodontists office. Looking around I realized, only us old folks were checking in at 9 AM. The whole thing felt it was totally fine to be getting my braces checked and pay my own insurance.

Oddly enough, I even had a 'celebrity' sitting next to me...

That's right...good ol' Regina King. Always thought she had lovely teeth (actually, never really thought about it before) but, guess she's doing a little upgrading. For the record, she's just rocking the Invisalign - so don't think she so hard core. She may be rich and beautiful but she is sooo not a Wired Lady.

The good news is I'm "on track" -- or, at least that's what they tease me by saying. In 8 weeks, when I go back (seriously, 8 freakin' weeks?!...that is sooo far away!), I will pay even more money (hooray! goodbye eye brow waxing in the winter!) and get new molds taken. After THIS, the doctor will determine whether or not the oral surgeon is ready to see me. Phew! It's exhausting just explaining it.

And by the way, why is Animal Planet the only thing ever playing in that office? Today I watched a liter of Alaskan Huskies be born. Do you think I want to stare at fetus' while my mouth is being poked and prodded? Um...not so much.

Are some "Sex in the City" repeats on TBS too much to ask?

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

"The Secret" in Action

Tonight is all about thinking positive thoughts! Why, you might ask? Oh, yes....the ortho is tomorrow. That's right, it's a good ol' check-up. It's time to bond with my fellow pre-teen pals.

Looking forward the gross bands being replaced, two days of completely sore teeth and, oh yes, the magical words..."you can see the oral surgeon now." To the majority of Americans, this would definitely not be good news but to the Wired means...this shit is rolling along! Hellz yeah! (Are you feeling "The Secret" in action?)

Also, tomorrow (hopefully) I will also find out about the status of yesterday's post.

Isn't this fun? Ten bucks says tomorrow I will be an emotional wreck. You know what? -- screw "The Secret!"

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I Hate My Current Insurance Company

This is all I am capable of typing today on this topic.

I have finally calmed myself, and am finally feeling more optimistic. Let's just say, a certain woman at a certain insurance company told me today that my pre-authorization for surgery is not valid because it's a new year.

A few things are out of my hands at the moment. I will know more on Friday, after Relle's new assistant Lorna (hopefully) kicks some insurance ass -- in that sort of old lady, nice voice she has (ugh).

Please don't freak out, Mom.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Braces Protect Against Gym Dudes

Tonight was one of the rare nights where I actually made it to the gym after work. (currently totally drinking wine after the gym - is that wrong?) I normally only go to aerobics (or as Rose likes to call, my 'dance class') nights. So, I'm trying to use my time appropriately and choose the Stair Master (mainly because it was closest to the televisions).

Being that I'm never at the gym to actually use the machines (I love my circa-90s aerobics class), I was taken aback by the number of creepy guys.

So, this short man comes and starts working out next to me. Within only minutes, he starts saying how "Wheel of Fortune" would be a good game show to go on. Um....ok?! Is that line?

Let's just say, one flash of the wires and he was gone! Apparently it was time for his cool-down.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Cold. Wet. And Pale.

I am currently wearing seven layers of clothing, including my new crochet slippers and am totally freezing. Why, oh why, this weather?!
Rain in L.A. is turning the Wired Lady into a character out of "The Real Housewives of Orange County" -- only with ugly teeth and a hell of a lot less money. Can you tell I've been watching the Sunday marathon on BRAVO all day long?!

To top it all off - I have come to the conclusion that my pale, gross-colored skin is totally making the braces beauty factor look much worse.

I gotta stop watching this show.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Nail Scissors: Helpful For Teeth

Anyone ever use this to clean plaque off your braces?

Yeah, either.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Back to Business

Today was the day...yup, back to work. Happily, I gotta say, it was sort of an enjoyable day. Not too many people were there (I love New Years on a Tuesday), so it was a nice, slow start. A great way to calmly get back into gear.

Although, one weird thing did happen. I was coming back from lunch and when pulling into the parking garage, the parking attendant was totally laughing at me. As I swiped my key card, I looked at him super confused, wondering, what the heck is he laughing at?

My first, obvious, most logical braces. He's gotta be laughing at my braces.

Don't you just love how this is the first and only thing that ever comes to mind? For all I know, I could have had a big sign on my car that read, "Piece of Crap on Board" but no, it had to be the braces. For sure. It's always the braces.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Goodbye 2007

Favorite unreleased photo of 2007.
What a year it was.